Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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