i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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