a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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