Don't make out with my wife yet
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
