if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
