i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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