I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
