I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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