i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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