Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
