I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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