i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have tasted many bathrooms
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
