sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
