STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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