what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
