Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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