It's Friday. Sex?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
