Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
