The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
