I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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