Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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