please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
