finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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