while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
