Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
