The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
