Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
