Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
