No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
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Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
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Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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