I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
