NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
