Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
