My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
