There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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