thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
