I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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