I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
