I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
