Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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