I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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