what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
