i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
