why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
