Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am naked and annoyed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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