You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
