I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
