Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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