Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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