We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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