around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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