this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
