Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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