dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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