my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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