is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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