Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
