Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
