I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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