her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
