He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
