it's too hot outside to masturbate.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize