some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
