I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
