there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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