My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
