We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
