I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
