Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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