I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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