here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think your dad took our porno
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
