if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
