all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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