i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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