party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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