I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
