There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
