if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
